Posted by John Reiman, National Consortium on Deaf-Blindness
“PLT” are letters often heard and used among the staff of the NY Deaf-Blind Collaborative (NYDBC). They stand for Parent Leadership Training and represent a very exciting parent training initiative begun two years ago by the Collaborative in partnership with the National Consortium on Deaf-Blindness and the NY Parent Training & Information Centers (PTI) in Rochester, White Plains and Harlem. To date, NYDBC has completed three training series across the state to small groups of parents on a variety of parent advocacy and leadership topics. Parent leadership training takes place over three weekends with distance activities that continue the learning in between. The training aims to give parents content knowledge, skills in advocacy and leadership, and critical relationship building tools. The outcome is a leadership project that each family develops and is then supported in pursuing.
The final training of the series is always dedicated to assist emerging leaders in acquiring insight and skill in handling difficult situations. It’s a powerful training with the potential for extraordinary outcomes. This was just the case at NYDBC’s most recent parent training conducted at Sinergia, the Harlem PTI.
Preparation for the weekend began with an invitation: “. . . Please arrive (at the weekend) with a real life conflict situation involving yourself and a medical/service provider or family member. Be ready to describe: (a) who is involved; (b) what the differences in perspectives are between you and the other person; and (c) what emotions experience in the situation. Tools will be provided to help you understand and become more effective in navigating conflict…”
Five families arrived, delighted to see each other on a sunny Saturday Harlem morning. Over the weekend, they would learn: (a) how to more capably handle conflict (and to see conflict as healthy); (b) how to better listen and be understood; (c) how to do ‘interest-based’ problem solving; and (d) how to trade-in negative and unhelpful ways of seeing themselves, for positive and helpful self-messages. All presentations and activities related to participants’ real-life experiences. Follow-up dialogue and coaching will be provided to support application of new learning.
In reflecting on the weekend, a few thoughts:
- Parents with children who are deaf-blind are like sponges that fill when in the company of same. It’s like an oasis. Their isolation is broken.
- Parents sharing intensively with one another in a small group setting (with trust established) is essential to integrating and applying newly learned information and skills.
- Taking participants’ actual conflict experiences and role-playing them with newly learned information, provides a unique coaching opportunity with high ‘take home’ value.
- Young parents of children not yet in school, carry less baggage (have fewer wounds) than parents who have long struggled with educational service delivery. Starting this type of training early, is proactive and may even preempt problems and future disputes.
- Everyone (parents, service providers, spouses/partners) wants to feel heard. Not necessarily agreed with – just heard. Knowing how to truly listen and how to speak in a way that will be heard, powerfully ’resets the table’ in professional and personal relationships.
- Ways we act when we’re in conflict are often learned and ‘automatic.’ It’s possible to turn off the ‘auto-pilot’ and make choices about how to respond that will improve communication and bring creativity to problem-solving.
- Parents, at times, believe and repeat negative messages to themselves (e.g., “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not doing a good job,” “It’s my fault,” etc.) Replacing these beliefs (that are often just old recordings stuck on ‘play’) with more realistic and positive ones, frees parents to thrive – rather than just survive.
- Successful advocates and leaders, in addition to being trained in the law and disability-specific information, must acquire key relationship-building and communication tools.
Participants in this intensive training focused their attention and energy over a two-day period geared toward increasing awareness and developing skills around navigating conflict. Emerging leaders must have a repertoire of problem-solving tools available to deal with challenging personal and professional relationships.
